it's already thursday of reading week and my books are still on the dresser. hah. i can't seem to make anything go according to plan lately. there seems to be nothing that can't be pushed aside a little bit longer (though i shouldn't be procrastinating). i'm exhausted and my schedules gotton so messed up that i'm sleeping 8 hours during the day instead of at night. the only time i actually feel healthy and alive is right after minute twenty five of an hour long exercise. even the corners of my smile are drenched in discontent. i want to chalk it all up to the abnormally cold weather, my schedule, the overlap of the last two weeks and perpetual anxiety it provokes in me. spring break needs to come asap and salvage every shred of optimism, simplicity, joy, that must still exist somewhere inside me. because i need to not have to balance endless obligations for a couple of days. i need to go to bed with absolutely nothing dictating when i should awake. i need to actually get to be with the person i wish i could see every single day. i need a change of scenery, a change of pace. i need to watch my plane descend on other cities that could care less about this damn university & everything else that consumes me. more than anything, i'd just like to remember how it feels to be truely happy.