Do you ever get the feeling your life would be great if you'd taken another course? I mean, for everyone there has to be some defining moment - some moment that makes us choose the people we hang out with, choose the things we do to pass the time, choose the lifestyle we live. There has to be some defining moment in each of our lives that leads us on a certain path. Or else everyone would do the same things & be the same people. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like had I known when that defining moment was, & had I really taken the time to choose my course and make sure it fit my personality and would make me happy.

Does that make sense? Those whose lifestyles fit them perfectly are happy. But sometimes people can choose the wrong path. Or even worse, not choose one at all & blindly go where they are told. And when that person wakes up one day & realizes that they could be happier with a different lifestyle, it's too hard and complicated to go back. Yesterday, I skipped all my classes. I should have gone since I have a test next week, but I stayed in bed daydreaming instead. It cleared my head & made me think about a lot. Happiness. How do you truly reach the place called happiness? I think it all has to do with satisfaction. It starts when we are born. We immediatly begin craving something. Only, at that age we are not too timid to make it known. We cry out when we are not satisfied, and make it plainly known what we need.

But as we get older, somehow we do not get wiser. We become less attentive of the need to be happy & satisfied. We feel as if we are missing something, but can't quite pinpoint the reason. But through all I've been through, I think I have figured it out. Unhappiness is simply a result of a neglected need. I've been pondering why I have felt unhappy about myself & my life, & that is what I have come up with. Unhappiness is a result of a neglected need. So what needs do I have that aren't being met? What is it that I crave so intensely that I have not recieved? Probably a lot of things. Sometimes I feel as if I am forever searching and hoping. Searching and hoping for someone who can truly understand the way that I think and feel.

And I don't really even mean that in a romantic way, just in a friend way. Just someone who is also a deep thinker and views things the way that I do. Someone who can appreciate that & love it because we are kindred in our love for art, feeling, nature, emotion. Someone who is real & not friggin humoring me. Every detail of every aspect of life & the people & nature in it is amazing & beautiful to me. And I don't see how others can take it for granted. Everything we see & do is a gift. The sun shining through the leaves of an antique tree, dappling the ground beneath it, creating shades of green so intense you can feel the texture by looking at it. The wind blowing softly through a comfy nest of flowers, encouraging them to cry out happiness & light into the hearts of the children who reach for them.

So many things are taken for granted by others. They never see the beauty around them, much less appreciate it. And that's part of why I'm unsatisifed. I am alone in my world of beauty and wonder. "A wonderland can lose its luster when left in solitude to wither." I need the sun to come along & brighten even more the times when I don't think it could be brighter. Sure I have people in my life who love me & to whom I am completely devoted and in love. And I'm truly grateful to those people & don't wanna know what life would be like without them. Yet I'm still unhappy.

And the only way to reach happiness is to satisfy my neglected need, or craving for a kindred mind and soul. Maybe if I'd chosen a different path than the one I am traveling, I could've met that kindred spirit. Maybe I wouldn't feel completely alone, even though I'm surrounded by so many. :::Sigh::: Yeah I'm being reflective tonight. Sorry. If you have made it all the way down here to the bottom of this insanely long entry, thank you. Thanks for being interested my thoughts. And if you're that kindred spirit, you will understand it all.